The Idol of Respect

Last week we started looking in depth at the five idols, and the idol we focused on was the idol of control. Does anybody remember the definition of that idol? “When I am unwilling to let go of my agenda and let God do His work.” Even though God has created humanity to plan and strategize and motivate and initiate, we have to keep in mind that God is overseeing / superintending everything in our lives and “causing all things to work together for good.” It is because of this truth that we have to be willing to let go of our agendas, and let God do his work. Back in January, I presented Cornerstone’s 2010 Strategic Initiative. In it, I outlined for you the objectives the leadership of the church wanted to accomplish this year. Was that a good thing or a bad thing? It was good. But we hold on to our plans very loosely because God could have a different plan.

So how does one know if pursuing his plan / goal / objective is the idol of control or not? Let’s say for example that your plan is to get up early, pack the car, and be on the road headed for vacation by 8 AM. So the night before you leave, you sit the family down and explain to them exactly what your plans are. The next morning at 8:45, the car still isn’t packed and your wife is just getting out of the shower. You are frustrated and upset because she stayed up until 2 AM chatting on the internet with an old High School friend. Tell me some idolatrous responses.

 Leaving the house at 8 AM anyway, leaving her at home – sinning to get what you want.
 Driving 85 MPH for the first four hours to make up for lost time – sinning to get what you want.
 Berating her, either in private or in front of the children – responding sinfully when you don’t get what you want.
 Taking out your anger on the kids – responding sinfully when you don’t get what you want.
 Sulking for the first day of vacation – responding sinfully when you don’t get what you want.
 Declaring you will never take the family on vacation again – responding sinfully when you don’t get what you want.
 Ignoring her actions because of the conflict you know it will cause – responding sinfully when you don’t get what you want (idol of comfort as well).

The two questions we ask ourselves to see if we are worshipping an idol are, #1 – do I sin to get what I want? And #2 – do I sin when I don’t get what I want?

This morning we are going to look at the next idol, the idol of respect. Let’s start with the definition. The idol of respect is when I demand (overt worship of the idol) or long for (more of a covert worship of the idol) acknowledgement, because of my stature (who I am) or accomplishment (what I have done). That is rather wordy, but I want it to be comprehensive. When I demand or long for acknowledgement, because of my stature or accomplishment.

As far as a biblical example goes, I want us to turn to the book of Esther. We are going to read chapter one together, and as we go through it, look for the idol of respect.

Now it took place in the days of Ahasuerus, the Ahasuerus who reigned from India to Ethiopia over 127 provinces, 2 in those days as King Ahasuerus sat on his royal throne which was in Susa the capital, 3 in the third year of his reign, he gave a banquet for all his princes and attendants, the army officers of Persia and Media, the nobles, and the princes of his provinces being in his presence. 4 And he displayed the riches of his royal glory and the splendor of his great majesty for many days, 180 days. 5 And when these days were completed, the king gave a banquet lasting seven days for all the people who were present in Susa the capital, from the greatest to the least, in the court of the garden of the king's palace. 6 There were hangings of fine white and violet linen held by cords of fine purple linen on silver rings and marble columns, and couches of gold and silver on a mosaic pavement of porphyry, marble, mother-of-pearl, and precious stones. 7 Drinks were served in golden vessels of various kinds, and the royal wine was plentiful according to the king's bounty. 8 And the drinking was done according to the law, there was no compulsion, for so the king had given orders to each official of his household that he should do according to the desires of each person. 9 Queen Vashti also gave a banquet for the women in the palace which belonged to King Ahasuerus. 10 On the seventh day, when the heart of the king was merry with wine, he commanded Mehuman, Biztha, Harbona, Bigtha, Abagtha, Zethar, and Carkas, the seven eunuchs who served in the presence of King Ahasuerus, 11 to bring Queen Vashti before the king with her royal crown in order to display her beauty to the people and the princes, for she was beautiful. 12 But Queen Vashti refused to come at the king's command delivered by the eunuchs. Then the king became very angry and his wrath burned within him. 13 Then the king said to the wise men who understood the times-- for it was the custom of the king so to speak before all who knew law and justice, 14 and were close to him: Carshena, Shethar, Admatha, Tarshish, Meres, Marsena, and Memucan, the seven princes of Persia and Media who had access to the king's presence and sat in the first place in the kingdom-- 15 "According to law, what is to be done with Queen Vashti, because she did not obey the command of King Ahasuerus delivered by the eunuchs?" 16 And in the presence of the king and the princes, Memucan said, "Queen Vashti has wronged not only the king but also all the princes, and all the peoples who are in all the provinces of King Ahasuerus. 17 "For the queen's conduct will become known to all the women causing them to look with contempt on their husbands by saying, 'King Ahasuerus commanded Queen Vashti to be brought in to his presence, but she did not come.' 18 "And this day the ladies of Persia and Media who have heard of the queen's conduct will speak in the same way to all the king's princes, and there will be plenty of contempt and anger. 19 "If it pleases the king, let a royal edict be issued by him and let it be written in the laws of Persia and Media so that it cannot be repealed, that Vashti should come no more into the presence of King Ahasuerus, and let the king give her royal position to another who is more worthy than she. 20 "And when the king's edict which he shall make is heard throughout all his kingdom, great as it is, then all women will give honor to their husbands, great and small." 21 And this word pleased the king and the princes, and the king did as Memucan proposed.

How many of you saw the idol of respect in this story? Do you remember our definition? The idol of respect is when I demand or long for acknowledgement because of my stature or accomplishment. This idol is written all over this story. Did the king sin to get his stature and accomplishments acknowledged? Yes. Look back at verse four where we see his motive for throwing an extravaganza that lasted for 6 months! “And he displayed the riches of his royal glory and the splendor of his great majesty for many days, 180 days. 5 And when these days were completed, the king gave a banquet lasting seven days for all the people who were present in Susa the capital, from the greatest to the least, in the court of the garden of the king's palace.” This man was sinning to get what he wanted. What was the sin? He was deliberately calling attention to himself. Let me give you three verses that describe how unwise that is. The Bible teaches in Prov. 27:2, “Let another man praise you, and not your own mouth; a stranger, and not your own lips.” 2 Cor. 10:18 says, “For not he who commends himself is approved, but whom the Lord commends.” 2 Co 10:12 says, “For we are not bold to class or compare ourselves with some of those who commend themselves; but when they measure themselves by themselves, and compare themselves with themselves, they are without understanding.” So I think it is safe to say that King Ahasuerus was sinning to get what he wanted, respect. He was longing for people to acknowledge his stature and accomplishment.

But there is another way we see the idol of respect here, and it is found in verse 11 in his demand for Queen Vashti to present herself at the banquet. What was he after in this demand? The Bible says his motive was “to display her beauty to the people and the princes, for she was beautiful.” What was he after? He wanted to display his trophy wife! He wanted people to be wowed by his accomplishment. She made him look good. She was a beautiful woman, perhaps the most beautiful in the kingdom, and she belonged to him! He was longing for people to acknowledge his accomplishment.

How else do we know he was worshipping the idol of respect? How did he respond when Vashti refused to present herself? In other words, everybody else in the kingdom was acknowledging his stature – except her! And how did he respond when he didn’t get the respect he demanded? Verse 12 says “the king became very angry and his wrath burned within him.”

“Anger” and “burning wrath” when you are personally affronted (as he was) are immediate indicators of idol worship. They are sinful responses, which alert us to the presence of an idol.

The final indicator of the idol of respect is that his ultimate response was to banish his wife and find a new one. What is a husband supposed to do when his wife sins (and I believe that Vashti was in the wrong to refuse her husband’s request, even though he was drunk)? Kick her out and find a new one, like Ahasuerus did? Not at all. One of the husband’s roles in the family is to sanctify his wife. Ahasuerus should have gently but firmly dealt with Vashti’s blatant defiance. So what we see in this response is that the king could not tolerate anyone who refused to acknowledge his stature – and so she was banished as a lesson to anyone else who would dare to withhold respect.

Now as we have been going through this story, what biblical principle is at stake? The idol of respect violates what? Why is this wrong? It is wrong because it is a warped understanding f the doctrine of man.

Let’s take a moment and look at some verses that show us with great clarity the true stature of man. Let’s start in the Psalms and look at Ps. 144:3. “O LORD, what is man, that Thou dost take knowledge of him? Or the son of man, that Thou dost think of him? 4 Man is like a mere breath; His days are like a passing shadow.” Even though man is the pinnacle of God’s creative power, and even though he has an eternal soul that God has provided salvation for, in the big scheme of things, man isn’t very significant! This why we David utters the same basic thought in Ps. 8 and says, “When I consider Thy heavens, the work of Thy fingers, The moon and the stars, which Thou hast ordained; What is man, that Thou dost take thought of him? And the son of man, that Thou dost care for him?” We see the same kind of thinking in James 4:13-14. “Come now, you who say, "Today or tomorrow, we shall go to such and such a city, and spend a year there and engage in business and make a profit." 14 Yet you do not know what your life will be like tomorrow. You are just a vapor that appears for a little while and then vanishes away.”

In 1 Cor. 4, Paul is writing to a church that was very much into big names (do you see the respect in this? Longing for recognition because of your stature). According to chapter one, some of the people claimed to be followers of Paul, and some of Apollos, and some of Peter, and even some of Jesus. And in verse six, Paul cautions them against becoming arrogant because of their membership in a particular group. In verse seven he says, “Who regards you as superior? And what do you have that you did not receive? But if you did receive it, why do you boast as if you had not received it?” Paul’s point is that anything we do happen to posses, we posses only because God has graciously given it to us. And to demand or long for some kind of personal acknowledgement because of something we have become or something we have accomplished is ignoring the truth that God is the source of all and we are created from dust and will one day return to dust.

Who was ultimately responsible for Ahaserus being the king of Persia? God was. Who was ultimately responsible for his wealth? God was. Who was responsible for giving him a beautiful wife? God was. Was Vashti’s refusal to obey her husband primarily an affront to her husband or to God? God! The king’s response to that act of disrespect shows his idolatrous heart.

I think we see a great example of this idol in the movie “Fireproof.” How many of you remember the scene where the main character is in the kitchen yelling at his wife and telling her that everybody in the community respects him, and everyone at work respects him because he repeatedly puts his life on the line. And the only place he doesn’t get any respect in his own home and from his own wife. He was demanding acknowledgement for both his stature as the captain of the fire company as well as his accomplishments as a daring firefighter. His sinful response of anger and his sinful method of communicating with his wife shows us his idolatry.

Several weeks ago I shared with you the case of Dr. Amy Bishop, the scientist at the University of Alabama who shot and killed three collueges when she was denied tenure yet another time. What was she after? Respect. She longed for her stature as a Harvard Ph. D. to be acknowledged. This is why when she attacked another woman in a restaurant for taking the last high chair, she repeatedly said, “I am Dr. Amy Bishop.” She didn’t say, “I was here first,” or “my child is smaller than your child and needs it more.” Just, “I am Dr. Amy Bishop.”

There is a special category of people who need to exercise extra diligence in this matter of the idol of respect. Are you ready for this? If you are a man, this is a special weakness you are prone to. God has created men in such a way that by nature they are oriented toward accomplishment. Men like tasks. Men thrive when given something to conquer. And consequently, men like to be acknowledged when the task is completed. This is why the Bible teaches, “Wives, see to it that you respect your husbands.” But the warning here is for men, because men have a tendency to worship the idol of respect.

How else do we see the idol of respect demonstrated in real life? Here are some typical expressions:

 When an employee inflates his accomplishments on his resume
 When a student plagiarizes
 When a person dominates every conversation
 When a soloist will not sing on a Sunday morning if there is any other soloist singing
 When a member of a committee brings an idea to the table and the rest of the committee rejects it, so he resigns from the committee – could also be the idol of appreciation
 The three people in the counseling seminar who answer every rhetorical question, illustrate the teacher’s points, and feel compelled to elaborate on any subject that comes up
 When a wife gives her husband the silent treatment because he doesn’t acknowledge her sacrificial service to the family, or forgets a “special day”

The idol of respect is an idol that is quite prevalent in Christian circles. Men have to be very careful, parents have to be very careful, people involved in ministry in the church have to be very careful. We need to remember that God is the source of everything we are and He is the One who has enabled us to achieve anything we have accomplished. As such, He is the one who should get the acknowledgment, not us. And when we don’t get the acknowledgement we want or even may deserve, we need to be very careful how we respond.

Let’s continue to be in prayer as a congregation as we follow this path. Let’s deal with the idols God reveals to us so we can come before Him with undivided allegiance.